“So shall the last be first, and the first last. …” Matthew 20:16

Even in blogging baby, even in blogging. Woot! Thanks to Jen for encouraging my tardiness this week with her reverse order Quick Takes.

1. But really, my delay in posting can best be summarized with four words; post traumatic stress disorder, or maybe more precisely, “How I Almost Died When A Bat Entered The House While My Husband Was At The Longest Mass Of The Year.”

Don’t talk to me about mice or snakes or scorpions. Bats FLY AT YOUR HEAD. Rather than run from people, bats are just stupid enough to come right at you- even when you’re screaming like a little girl and waving a pole while lying on the floor of the living room. I prefer to lie on the floor screaming with a badminton racquet, but they were no where to be found.

2. I think this image best sums it up.

Pterodactyl_reconstruction_Newman_1843
Are you people or food?? Me no care- I FLY AT YOUR FACE!!!!

Maybe you think I’m kidding. If there’s one thing I don’t kid about, it’s bats in the house. We get them every year. Doesn’t matter how much we seal up the house, they keep coming in. But I should have known they’d show up last Saturday because my husband was joking that “we wouldn’t get bats this year” earlier that very day.

3. I’ll let Facebook give you a play-by-play.

photo

4. When I called my brother-in-law for assistance I believe I said I was “freaking the freak out” which was a much cleaner version of what I was actually thinking.  He came over, could not find the badminton racquets either and went after the winged rodent with a fishing net. He actually tried to get me to help him by offering me a second fishing net but I manged to beat him off with my pole and hide in the downstairs bedroom instead.

photo (1)

And while I can laugh at it now thanks to a couple of glasses of wine and therapy, I was not “LOLing” at the time and honestly, unless these so-called friends of mine were willing to come over and throw shoes at this bat or catch it in a shoe box for me, I found their stories less than soothing/helpful/ entertaining. And what kind of person ‘Likes’ this status??? I’ve got your names people. Don’t expect me to play Farmville or wish you a happy birthday anytime soon.

As for the rest of the week; 5. visited with family from out-of-town, 6. weathered another stomach bug which thankfully did not put anyone in the hospital with dehydration and 7.  ripped apart more rotten walls and floors in our money pit of a house. Our current decor can best be summarized as Bob Villa meets crack house chic.

Now that I’ve brought you up to speed on the most important events of the last week (i.e. I’m still alive despite facing a bat alone.) you are free to head back to Jen’s and enjoy the rest of the Quick Takes. Just make sure you know where your badminton racquets are stored.

{SQT} I Can Be Made To Scream Like A Little Girl
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17 thoughts on “{SQT} I Can Be Made To Scream Like A Little Girl

  • 04/05/2013 at 10:52 pm
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    Don’t even get me started on bats. In college, I lived across the street from the police dept. I also lived in a house that had a bat, like, once a week. They heard from me a lot. Picture college girl in jammies running into police dept yelling about “bats again!”

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    • 04/05/2013 at 11:47 pm
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      HA! “College girls in jammies running into a police department”: that sounds like the makings of a National Lampoon movie. (Really dating myself here.)
      I’m glad *you* understand the severity of the situation. You wouldn’t have liked my status. You can relate to my trauma. ((hugs))

      Reply
  • 04/06/2013 at 1:24 am
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    Bats! Yikes! When we were on vacation with my extended family a number of years ago, a bat got into the house we were staying in. Thank goodness there were plenty of male cousins to trap the thing while the rest of us stood in the kitchen and ducked every time anyone else flinched. Shudder.

    I’m glad things turned out ok – and glad the tummy big that hit you guys didn’t go to badly. We had a round of the pukies last fall that ended with my 5 year old in the ER. Awful stuff, there.

    (And hopefully this time I will actually be ablet to comment and perhaps emerge from lurkdom because last time I tried, it kept giving me some sort of error) 🙂

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    • 04/06/2013 at 7:51 am
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      Nice to meet you Claire! Clearly the WordPress gods smiled on you.

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      • 04/06/2013 at 11:38 pm
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        At last! It took a couple tries, but my stubbornness prevailed. And by stubborn, of course I mean persistance.

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  • 04/06/2013 at 1:55 am
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    Facebook needs to have a “Oh, wow, that’s terrible, I sympathize” button – there are so many times when that would come in handy, bats in the house being a prime example.

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  • 04/06/2013 at 5:25 am
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    Hah you poor thing! I’d love your house – wanna swap? Bats are awesome.

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    • 04/06/2013 at 8:58 am
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      I consider this comment legally binding. Come take possession of your house. We’re on our way across the Atlantic.

      Reply
  • 04/06/2013 at 6:13 am
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    Ick!!! Reminds me of the time a black snake slithered in as I took out the trash after I STEPPED ON HIS BELLY!!! 15 years later, I still feel it on the bottom of my foot.

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    • 04/06/2013 at 8:56 am
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      Ugh. But at least it didn’t FLY STRAIGHT AT YOUR HEAD!!!!

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  • 04/06/2013 at 7:11 am
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    I am SO. SORRY. Bats are evil and we’ve dealt with them. We had like a dozen get in here during the first few years we lived here and they live behind our chimney. We could even hear them in the walls. *shiver* One of the ones we killed we had taken to the Health Dept. to have tested for rabies because I was absolutely certain all of our children were going to have rabies and all the websites were like “oh, by the way, you can get bit AND NOT EVEN KNOW IT.” WTH??? I’m pretty sure I would know it as my child coughing three rooms away wakes me up. Having a rodent sink its teeth into me and touch me with his hairy rat face would probably wake me. But I was still scared. Haven’t had one recently, thank God. I think my husband is now scared of them as well but has to pretend he’s not. Why the devil is portrayed as a snake and not a bat, I have no idea.

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  • 04/06/2013 at 7:31 am
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    that is crazy, straight up crazy.
    i would be lying in a closet dead if that happened here, i would just die. so way to stay alive!!

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  • 04/06/2013 at 10:30 am
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    I would probably die if I had a bat in my house. I might seriously consider putting on a hockey helmet with a full face mask if it was swooping at my head. Not kidding. Maybe you should keep a helmet around for such an occasion.

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  • 04/08/2013 at 8:06 am
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    We had a bat in our house years ago. After swinging ineffectively at it with raquets for what seemed like hours, we tried spraying it with a fire extinguisher. Didn’t work and left a white film over every object in my house. My husband finally got it after I yelled some pretty mean things at him about the state of his manhood. I still feel remorseful.

    Btw, this was the funniest thing I read all morning. Thanks for the smiles.

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    • 05/17/2013 at 8:45 pm
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      My FIL swears by the vaccuum cleaner as a bat removal device. Doesn’t seem to hurt the bat which is important because bats eat mosquitoes (guess it depends on type of vaccuum though). It seems to as a deterrent too; we haven’t had any bats in the house in a decade…

      Reply
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