{SQT} You Know It’s Cabin Fever When…

People, I’m allergic to polar vortex. To everyone who suggested I move to BUFFALO, NY you are out of your freakin’ minds. Temperatures here have frozen our van’s wheelchair lift, and made it downright impossible to get out with everyone. So all week, I’ve been here, at home, feeding the wood stove  continuously while piling layers on myself and slowly going mad. CABIN FEVER! Here’s how to spot the seven signs.

1. Shock and denial. Every morning I wake up, roll out of bed in the clothes I wore the day before (because it’s too cold to change or shower) look outside and wonder “How can it be this cold AGAIN, in NEW JERSEY? I must have been dropped in the arctic circle by aliens while I slept.”

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What the fuuuuuuuuuuuu……dge.

2. Pain and Pudding

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The box says “Snack Pack” so I can eat it for a snack right? Shut up.
3. Anger and Bargaining. I’ve unfriended and blocked all my Facebook friends who live in California and Florida, plus unsubscribed from all bloggers in those same areas. Then I proceed to leave nasty anonymous comments on all the blogs of people who live south of the Mason Dixon and have the audacity to complain about stepping outside and seeing their breathe in the morning.  Once the pudding is gone, I console myself by trying to figure out ways to move to Hawaii. These conditions look promising…
Honolulu looks perfect

We could definitely make this work.

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Airfare for seven to Honolulu: $6,552. Curses!

4. Depression and death by laundry: By this point, I start giving up on life and letting the house go. The kids are filthy and Teddy is eating most of his meals on the floor with the cat. Our laundry room in the basement was an eye-opening 40 degrees yesterday morning. I’m reminded of my ancestors who had to walk down to the river to clean their clothes and gather water year round. Except this is my basement, I’m a modern 21st century wuss and after several trips I lost all feeling in my toes and just couldn’t continue any more. Looks like we’ll be Amazon Prime-ing some underpants for awhile.
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Let it be written on my tombstone, “I have fought the good fight, yet I couldn’t finish the laundry. I still managed to keep the faith.”

5. Upward Turn. But then I catch a glimpse of the coming forecast, Wunderground says it’s going to be warmer! And the highs are above freezing! Fifty-one on Sunday?!?! Flip-flops and Mojitos on the pool deck for Candlemas!

Above freezing!

6. Acceptance and a shower. Oh, did someone else need hot water today? Sorry…. not really.

7. The seventh sign can sneak up on you if you’re not paying attention because of it’s delayed onset: Pregnancy.  I was married in October 2001. Addie was born in September 2002. Byron arrived thirteen months later in October of  2003. We lived in Syracuse, NY. Do the math. I know what I’m talking about. I predict LOTS of polar vortex babies this year. Not from me (my husbands hands are always too cold) but be aware!

If you’re still stuck inside, be sure to swing back to Jen’s for more takes to pass the time and distract you from the misery of winter. And blue lips, don’t forget to enter my Just 11 Stitches giveaway for your chance to win your own pair of fingerless mittens or $30 in store credit. That’s an upward turn for sure.

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25 Comments

Filed under Humor, Seven Quick Takes

25 Responses to {SQT} You Know It’s Cabin Fever When…

  1. Sharon Lunt

    So much to chuckle over for the rest of the day………

    Sharon

  2. Kelly!!! You’re a gift. Thanks for the laughs this early Friday morning as I contemplate whether I actually can leave the house in Vortex Central.

  3. Oh my gosh, you’re face looking out the window!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA! Do you want me to die of laughter? I think you do. I think you’re trying to kill some of us off so that you’ll win first place next year. But we all know you don’t need to go that route because you are genuinely hilarious.

    You’re also still moving to Buffalo. We can figure something out with the ramp. Pack yo stuff.

  4. When I ask my teenage children to take a silly photo of me for the blog, they roll their eyes and walk away. I love that someone loves you enough to take ridiculous photos for you. :)
    Enjoy that one warm day!

  5. Amen. Great tips. Can’t wait for my trip to Florida this week! Feel free to block me.

  6. Dang it, my husbands hands are always warm.

  7. I have fought the good fight, but couldn’t finish the laundry….hahaha!

  8. However did I cope before I found this blog? Going to Amazon prime now to order undies.

  9. Your pictures are simply awesome. Thank you for some much needed laughter :)

  10. Andrea

    Flip-flops and Mojitos on the pool deck for Candlemas!

    Can’t wait for THIS WIWS photo! What can’t pudding cure?

  11. ROFL! Your face looking out the window just about did me in. You have captured my life precisely!

    And the 7th sign…well let’s just say we have two kids with November birthdays, you do the math ;) If I make it out of Lent alive and not pregnant I will be shocked, and very willing to join you with mojitos on the porch.

  12. Oh man. I dream of number 7. Dream of it. I wish I could have a polar vortex of my very own just to get that result. Oh no. I’ve said too much.

    In all seriousness (or not) I will totes move to HI with you. Probably we can find an old pot farm deep in a forest and create a very unique Catholic commune.

  13. O.M.G. I laughed so hard I cried, then I cried because it’s all so true and completely my life! I just want to hug you…

  14. Okay….your #7 cracked me up. I’ve got a Sept and an Oct baby, athough in the interest of full disclaimer the Sept baby was conceived when we live in Fl and the Oct baby when we lived in TN, neither of which can be considered a polar vortex.

  15. Hi-flippin-larious. Inserting ice cream today rather than pudding, but I share the same sentiments. And #7 oddly enough has never been our case… this year prevented by already being so. ;)

  16. lol! This is awesome! While I’m only in MO, it’s still pretty darn cold out. I’ve got friends who complain about it being 50 and I’m about ready to slap them. Try -12! haha. But you get that.

  17. You make cabin fever look ridiculously fun! I just end up looking like Jack Nicholson when I’m stuck in the house. Hahhaha.

  18. I dunno. It was almost too cold for flip-flops here today…

    *ducks*

  19. Hilarious!
    I shed a couple tears on Sunday because my winter coat wasn’t keeping me warm enough. I am so over this winter.

  20. I’m thinking that the book you write should have PLENTY of photos (of you) by your great picture-taker.

  21. Amazon Prime-ing underwear! Yessssss. LOL!

  22. I hear you on the cold, but it would be neat if you moved to Buffalo. My daughter and her husband live in Buffalo and we were there in early January when the Vortex (and a lake-effect blizzard) hit. Whoo boy, was that ever chilly! Buffalo is such a cool city and I love it every time I visit; in fact I’m hoping to wrangle a deal where I can spend summers there, since summer down South is a miserable experience.

  23. You are too funny!!! #7 is the truth! One polar vortex baby here. We live in Fort Drum, NY, and we just found out we are pregnant with our 4th baby…this is the third one in a row due in October!

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