I’m helping to organize a small regional blogging conference, and in planning, it’s become clear that many bloggers are looking for information on social media; how to grow followers, gain more likes, increase interaction, and generally figure out, what is the point of all this gobbledy gook??

 

When I’m not sharing blogging tips or parenting advice, I like to sideline as a social media guru. I asked some of your favorite Catholic bloggers for their most pressing social media questions, and they were happy to deliver. So, get ready to learn all the secrets about dominating social media!

1. How can I get more engagement on my blog’s Facebook page? Why doesn’t Facebook show my posts to more people?

Most bloggers have a separate Facebook page for their blogs, but we all struggle with understanding the mysterious algorithms that determine who actually sees what we post. In scrolling through the help section, I came across some fine print that finally clarified things for me.

Facebook Blood Sacrifice-2
Click to enlarge.

Now I know that without sacrificing two doves, I can’t expect more than 10 percent engagement. For a fattened calf, I’m guaranteed my meme will not only go viral, but also bring in 75 more page likes. For anyone looking to take their social media game to the next level, Facebook offers a ‘lease your soul option’ which guarantees you an immediate following in the millions from amongst all the kingdoms in the world, plus you get the opportunity to meet Mark Zuckerberg and soak in his hot tub of baby seal blood.

2. How can Catholics better utilize their Pinterest account to evangelize?

People are using Pinterest more than ever to save their favorite articles and ideas. To maximize exposure, and share the faith, I’ve found its most effective to create memes that share inspiring saint quotes and then print them out and physically pin them to people on the street, or at the grocery store. Clothespins are fine if you have an aversion to blood. Most people are polite enough to read your pins before they throw them on the ground and walk away. And unless they step on them or shove them in your mouth during a fit of rage, you’ll be able to reuse your pins to reach more people! If you sneak up really quietly and pin something to someones back, that person might expose a dozen more people to a Mother Theresa quote before someone clues them in to the meme on their back.

3. How can I gain more followers on Instagram?

Success on Instagram requires 1. posting frequently and 2. living a beautiful life. If your follower numbers are stagnant, it’s time to up the frequency of your posts and hire models to pose as family members. (I recommend not soliciting models on Craigslist. It’s really hard to get some of them to leave.) If you’re struggling to post more, remember to snap photos of your meals (you are eating a strictly grass-fed Paleo diet right?), the homemade baby food and bento box lunches you’re feeding your free-range, screen-free children, plus several shots of you in a perfectly styled messy bun, looking off into the distance in front of a slightly distressed urban wall…boho hat in hand optional. Sometimes though, in a pinch, you can make a really convincing magazine collage and pass it off as your life.

Looks like a totally natural bathroom selfie with teeth whiter than the sun. How can real life compare?

4. Why doesn’t Periscope include a *real* periscope?

Periscope is a live streaming platform that requires an app on your smart phone. It’s still too early to tell how it’s popularity will be affected by Facebook’s new live feature. However, people “in the know” like me, understand that ‘Periscope’ is a metaphor for shutting yourself up somewhere quiet (the bathroom, the garage, a dark corner of the basement, etc) whilst filled with secret dread, as if navigating a submarine through a mine field, then trying to peer into the world outside your home via other people’s live broadcasts, before your children find you.* Should you choose to record your own broadcasts, you should know that questions completely unrelated to your topic will be left in the comments. You can answer them during your broadcast, which is great for encouraging community building, or ignore them, which is great for dissuading international viewers from being too lewd.

*I have no idea if that is an actual metaphor or not. Frankly, it’s amazing I’m a writer at all.

5. What hashtags should I use to grow my blog? What is the proper use of hashtags?

Hashtags are the pound sign followed by trendy words. If you enter a pound sign in front of any #cool word in your social media post, that post will show up in searches using that term. To find quality followers, use trendy words related to your post.So, if you’re sharing a picture of the book you’re reading you would want to use at least 23,352,023 hashtags related to the book, the author, the font on the cover, the paperweight, it’s best seller ranking, the ISBN, your emotions relating to the book at that moment, and so on. To find followers of any variety, just share a quote with several grammar and spelling errors followed by the top ten trendiest hashtags and you’ll be an overnight success. Some people are afraid of using too many hashtags; I say, you can never use enough! It’s like wine with dinner.

6. How can I use Twitter to grow my blog?

You can’t. Twitter is dead. Move on.

7. Do I really need to care all that much about social media? Shouldn’t I focus more on interacting with people via my blog and in real life?

Your blog readers and family want you to spend time on social media, if they truly care about you. Your children and husband should be clamoring to stop and snap a selfie at a moments notice, or allow you to document every moment of their lives with trending hashtags. #YOLO  Your blog readers can’t get enough REALNESS and AUTHENTICITY from you. If someone takes the time to subscribe to your blog and follow you on four or more social media channels, they deserve content. You have to nurture those relationships so you can separate the stalkers from the true fans. Your family is along for the ride and if they protest, you just remind them that they can be replaced by models from Craigslist or magazine clippings. Then remind your children to call your followers ‘the people who really love Mommy.’ Now smile for the camera!!!!! #doubletap #goodtimes #familyforever #therapynever

How was your week? Write it down then link it up below. Be sure to include a link back to this post so your readers can find the rest of the Quick Takes. I look forward to reading your posts!


{SQT} Social Media Strategy
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9 thoughts on “{SQT} Social Media Strategy

  • 05/20/2016 at 8:08 am
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    “Your family is along for the ride and if they protest, you just remind them that they can be replaced by models from Craigslist or magazine clippings.” I’m dying laughing over here!

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  • 05/20/2016 at 9:32 am
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    Love it, Kelly! Looks like you’re soaking into a hybrid of a Catholic “the Onion,” and I love it! And now I know how to increase my FB following. Just need to find a seal.

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  • 05/20/2016 at 9:46 am
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    Clearly, I must find some young bulls to sacrifice today.

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  • 05/20/2016 at 10:13 am
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    Oh my goodness, that picture collage may give me nightmares 😛

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  • 05/20/2016 at 3:29 pm
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    Kelly I was looking forward to this post and you delivered. I joined Twitter when it was in hospice so I don’t even remember my password. I’m afraid periscope will die if I sign up. That FB tip was the best; died laughing. Oh one more question: do you take modeling jobs for my Instagram account?

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  • 05/20/2016 at 4:48 pm
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    The “lease your soul” option…hilarious! And #familyforever #therapynever, ha!

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  • 05/21/2016 at 9:54 pm
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    All the heart and butterfly emojis would go here if I knew how to do that. I’m smacking myself that I even used the word emoji. Thank you for all the tips. I now feel like an expert 😉

    Reply

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