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The Best Mixed Drinks For Back To School

If you are already struggling with school and have recently been found by a concerned spouse huddled in a closet Googling ‘European Boarding Schools, not Hogwarts’- perhaps try taking the edge off this September with these carefully selected back to school cocktails (and special drinkware suggestions so I can earn that sweet affiliate cha-ching).

Godfather Cocktail
Take equal parts Scotch whiskey and Amaretto.
Pour directly into a old fashioned glass
For the mom who is tired of negotiating with her children regarding school work. “I’m going to make you an offer you can’t refuse.”

Back to school is a stressful time. Kids are figuring out their new schedules, teachers, classmates, subjects, and books, while simultaneously trying to decide what to hate the most. Us moms are either trying to get back into the habit of sending kids out the door of the house or car properly dressed with their 2,494,291 must have belongings, or reminding ourselves that homeschooling is indeed the right choice for our family even if waking up with the sun and grading math homework is a trial greater than Job’s.

Ants in the Pants Cocktail
Take 1 oz gin, 1/2 oz Grand Marnier, 1/2 oz sweet vermouth, and a dash lemon juice.
Pour ingredients into a shaker filled with ice and shake. 
Strain into a cocktail glass.
For the homeschooled mom with lots of little kids who is trying to get to daily Mass because that’s what her older mom friend with 16 kids does everyday so how hard can it possibly be?!?!??!!?!?!?

There are even a few of us who get to enjoy the “perks” that come from sending some of our kids to school, and educating some at home. Surely it is only a coincidence that my desire to learn how to mix cocktails coincided with deciding to send the boys to school.

The Merry Go Round Cocktail 
Take 1 1/2 oz gin, 1/2 oz sweet vermouth, and 1/2 oz dry vermouth.
Pour ingredients into a shaker filled with ice and shake.
Strain in a cocktail glass
For the parents waiting in the school drop off/ pick up line. “Is she honking at me?!” “NO! Don’t get out of your van and help her unload her science project!!!”

All of us have our bad days…or weeks. In those times of trial we should always remember to rely on our Lord and pray for His guidance and peace beyond all understanding. And then, when we’ve turned our worries over to Him, with complete confidence in His ability to save us and our children from our inadequacies (and those of the schools), we can turn to alcohol and these back to school cocktails to help manage our human frailties just a bit better.

Time Warp Cocktail 
Take 2/3 oz melon liqueur, 1/4 oz blue curaçao liqueur, 1/4 oz raspberry liqueur, 1/2 oz coconut rum, and 1/2 oz pineapple juice.
Pour all ingredients into a shaker filled with ice and shake. 
Strain into a cocktail glass. 
Garnish with a cherry.
For parents whose kids have forgotten everything they learned yesterday…or five seconds ago. “Timmy, you just read this word two sentences back, do you really need to sound it out again?? Can’t you see it’s cat? IT’S CAT!!! Just skip it and keep going.”

Special thanks to ‘Drinking With the Saints’ for helping me learn about some of these beverages (page numbers are marked). Many of the remaining drinks I found in a cocktail book my grandfather purchased in 1957. It’s now proudly displayed on our basement bar. The front and back covers are made from thin sheets of wood with literal shots embedded in them. As in, my grandfather was cleaning out a shotgun when it accidentally discharged into the floor of his living room. The pellets travelled through the floor and lodged into the book which was laying on his basement bar. Thankfully, I can still read all the recipes on the inside and get inspiration for the best back to school cocktails.

Big Bad Wolf Cocktail 
Take 1 oz brandy, 1/2 oz orange juice, 1 egg  yolk, and 1/4 oz grenadine.
Pour ingredients into a shaker filled with ice and shake. 
Strain into a cocktail glass
For moms who hate read alouds. “I’m going to huff, and puff, and quickly step outside to scream if I need to read ‘The Pigeon Needs a Bath’ one. more. time.”

First, a note to the public, private, Catholic school, and religious education teachers: Thank you for your service! St. Jean Baptiste de la Salle, founder of the Christian Brothers, and a great educator himself would want you to enjoy Christian Brothers brandy on the days when our little angels are driving you to the point of madness. …just not in the classroom, but definitely in this mug.

Old Fashioned Cocktail
Take 1 1/2 oz bourbon or rye whiskey, 2 dashes Angostura bitters, 1 sugar cube, and a few dashes plain water.
Place sugar cube at the bottom of an old fashioned glass and splash with the bitters and the water. 
Muddle until dissolved. 
Fill glass with ice cubes and add whiskey. 
Garnish with cherry and orange slice
For parents who don’t understand this ‘new math’, or understand half of what passes for ‘literature’ these days. “Multiply 354 by 923 in a octagon shaped grid, using arrows to direct the viewers eye around your work. Explain your answer in pantomime using characters from ‘Captain Underpants’.”
You’ll want to pin this one and reference it often.
Wheel of Fortune Cocktail
Take 1 1/4 oz vodka, 3/4 oz orange curaçao liqueur, and 6 oz lemonade.
Pour ingredients into a shaker filled with ice and shake. 
Strain into a tall glass filled with ice.
Garnish with a lemon wheel.
For when it all feels like a gamble and you realize that your kids could be screwed up and living in your basement no matter how you chose to educate them.
Life Blood Warmer Cocktail
Take 1/2 oz Lillet Blanc wine, 1/2 oz orange juice, 1 1/4 oz gin, and 1/2 oz Cointreau.
Pour all ingredients into a shaker filled with ice and shake.
Strain into a cocktail glass.
For when school has made you dead inside. (Homeschoolers, remember this in February.)
Brace Up Cocktail
Take 1 Tbsp powdered sugar, 3 dashes Angostura bitters, 3 dashes lemon juice, 1 dash lime juice, 2 dashes anise flavored liquor, 1 egg, and 3/4 wine glass of brandy.
Pour ingredients into a shaker filled with ice and shake. 
Strain into a large glass. 
Fill with carbonated water.
For special needs parents preparing for their annual IEP meeting. Take a deep breath and practice saying, “You are legally required to provide….”
Solar Plexus Punch 
Take 1 Tbsp simple syrup, 1 Tbsp pineapple juice, 1/2 oz lemon juice, 1 tsp rum, 1 tsp apricot liquor, 1/2 wine glass sherry, 1/2 wine glass rye whiskey, and 1 egg white.
Pour ingredients into a shaker filled with ice and shake. 
Strain into punch glass.
Fill up with carbonated water.
Garnish with fruit and a sprinkle of nutmeg
For the homeschooling mother of boys, especially when everyone is stuck inside all day or someone snuck a Red Bull in the house. “Knock it off! I don’t have time to take anyone else to the ER today!!!”
Scarlett O'Hara Cocktail
Take 1 oz bourbon, 1/2 oz lime juice, and 1/4 of a canned peach
Pour ingredients into an electric blender with ice and blend thoroughly. 
Serve in a champagne glass.
For the mother of girls. “Did you all just sign up for theater club?? What is with ALL THE DRAMA?!?!”
Eclipse Cocktail
Take 1/4 oz lemon juice, 1/2 oz dry gin, and 1 oz sloe gin. 
Pour ingredients into a shaker filled with ice and shake. 
Put an olive in a large cocktail glass and pour in enough Grenadine to cover. 
Carefully strain the contents of the shaker into the glass, being careful not to mix them with the Grenadine.
For when there’s a super cool natural event that you feel obligated to watch/ stay up late for because you’re a homeschooler and these are the real life learning moments you should be embracing!! You’d better nature journal the hell out of it too.
Huckle My Butt Cocktail
Take one bottle of beer, 1 1/2 oz brandy, 1 egg, a pinch each of cinnamon, cloves, and nutmeg, plus simple syrup to taste.
Combine well and pour into a large stein or this beer glass.
For when you need to drop an f-bomb but can’t. “Are you kidding me?!?!…”

What would you add? Or is your back to school going so smoothly you can get by on herbal tea? You can go away now please.


    1. Have you tried extreme sports, or possibly gambling, to relieve stress? I feel like learning MMA might also come in handy at IEP meeting time.

  1. My older body has rebelled against any alcohol. LOL However, after finalizing lesson plans yesterday, I could have used a mini cocktail party myself! Brilliant post.

  2. Have you actually had a “huckle-my-butt”? It sounds like something Rocky Balboa might drink on his day off. ?

  3. Haha, clearly The Godfather is what I’ve been needing… I can definitely appreciate the need to be done negotiating about doing schoolwork!

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