How To Create Lenten Resolutions for Beginners

AKA Lent: Just Do It

For many years on this blog I have been sharing my Lenten resolutions. Initially, I remember thinking “Who would do such a thing? Why would you want everyone to know what you were giving up for Lent unless you were seeking validation on how holy you were or something??” But ultimately, I decided it was helpful for me to make them public because 1. I was more likely to try to stick with them. 2. I wanted to offer encouragement to Catholics who maybe didn’t know what to give up or “how to do Lent”. As a convert, I didn’t grow up with Lent meaning anything. The first year I tried to fast I failed miserably and then for many years I leaned heavily into the “I’m pregnant and so I don’t need to fast” which turned into, I don’t need to do anything because pregnancy/ house full of lots of little kids. When I finally decided to get serious, I didn’t share my plans, and then when I did, I went overboard with big “challenges”. Nowadays, I know I don’t need some crazy plan; I can make Lent a holy season by just following what the Church asks of me. And I know that even if life is crazy, it’s still worth doing something for Lent.

I saw someone write last year that they were giving up Lent for Lent, and it made me sad, because I know what people want to give up is the guilt and stress that comes along with trying to do more prayer fasting and penance. However, God doesn’t motivate us through guilt or bad feelings. We dump those feelings on ourself, and that is not a mandatory part of Lent. We should look forward to Lent as a beneficial season, not one we’re going to hate. Yes it will be hard, but it’s hard in the way exercising is hard or writing a book is hard; we come away tired but the results are worth it.

First, how do you decide what to give up or take on? First, read what exactly the Church is asking of you during this season. The USCCB says;

Lent is a 40 day season of prayer, fasting, and almsgiving that begins on Ash Wednesday and ends at sundown on Holy Thursday. It’s a period of preparation to celebrate the Lord’s Resurrection at Easter. During Lent, we seek the Lord in prayer by reading Sacred Scripture; we serve by giving alms; and we practice self-control through fasting. We are called not only to abstain from luxuries during Lent, but to a true inner conversion of heart as we seek to follow Christ’s will more faithfully. We recall the waters of baptism in which we were also baptized into Christ’s death, died to sin and evil, and began new life in Christ.

USCCB

In regards to fasting the USCCB specifically says;

Ash Wednesday and Good Friday are obligatory days of fasting and abstinence for Catholics. In addition, Fridays during Lent are obligatory days of abstinence.

For members of the Latin Catholic Church, the norms on fasting are obligatory from age 18 until age 59. When fasting, a person is permitted to eat one full meal, as well as two smaller meals that together are not equal to a full meal. The norms concerning abstinence from meat are binding upon members of the Latin Catholic Church from age 14 onwards.

If possible, the fast on Good Friday is continued until the Easter Vigil (on Holy Saturday night) as the “paschal fast” to honor the suffering and death of the Lord Jesus and to prepare ourselves to share more fully and to celebrate more readily his Resurrection.

USCCB

So, there’s like a lot of leeway in there. And that’s where I think we can get overwhelmed with all the things we feel like we need to do. Again, we put these feelings on ourselves! We compare ourselves to others around us, or to the saints, and we select more Lenten practices than is practical and wonder why it’s so hard to stick to them. It’s not because you’re a terrible person! It’s because you made a bad decision and over estimated what you should do. God isn’t demanding you move to the desert for Lent and eat nothing but locusts. You don’t need to do a special Lenten devotion AND join a small group, AND give up coffee and chocolate, AND work at a soup kitchen every Saturday morning. Start with the basics, and once you’re doing them well, then, and only then! consider adding something or taking something away.

What are the basics? They’re outlined in the precepts of the Church.

• Receive communion at least once a year during the Easter season.
• Go to confession at least once a year.
• Attend Mass on Sundays and Holy Days of Obligation.
• Fast and abstain on days appointed by the Church. (See Lenten regulations above.)
• Contribute to the support of the Church.
• Observe the marriage laws of the Church. (Mentioned in the Baltimore Catechesim, not the latest edition.)

If you’re not doing these things, then start here for Lent. Get to confession if it’s been awhile, make sure you attend Mass every week, and put a little something in the collection plate. If you’re observing all the precepts of the Church, then you can start thinking about adding something else. These lists are just some ideas. I’m not saying you should do them all. Start with one or two, and see how it goes. Next year add another one or not.

Prayer

• Prayer for a different person every day.
• Say a morning offering.
• Say an evening prayer.
• Do an examination of conscience every night.
• Say grace before or after every meal.
• Go to daily Mass.
• Go to Adoration.
• Say a daily rosary, or one decade of the rosary, alone or as a family.
• Stay until Mass ends and pray for an additional five to ten minutes.
• Light a candle and pray for the intentions of all those who’ve lit a candle.
• Reach and meditate on a bible verse for ten minutes.
• Attend Stations of the Cross, or pray them at home by yourself or as a family.

Fasting

• Focus on the fasting the Church recommends for Lent.
• Observe a stricter fast based on the recommendations the Church had prior to 1962.
• Drink only water, or give up one favorite drink (soda, coffee, alcohol, etc.)
• Give up sweets alone or as a family.
• Instead of dessert, eat fruit after each meal, or give up dessert entirely.
• Eat the same one or two things for breakfast or lunch.
• Give up meat one additional day or one additional meal.

I’m not going to mention all the other things you can fast from. I think for simplicity’s sake, it’s easier to give up food rather than get creative with other types of fasts, however there’s certainly lots of ideas out there for how to fast from social media, anger, etc. If you go this route, I would encourage you to pick one bad habit to fast from, not all of them, and make sure it’s concrete, for example, “No social media on Fridays.”, not “I will stop caring what other people think of me.” or “I will give up negativity and be more positive.”

Almsgiving

• Increase your parish giving during Lent.
• Participate in the USCCB Rice Bowl.
• Donate to food to a local food pantry.
• Donate food to a local shelter.
• Donate diaper and baby supplies to a local women’s shelter.
• Buy supplies for your child’s school teacher.
• Pack lunches and distribute them to homeless in your community.
• Help your children organize a lemonade stand or bake sale for a cause they select.
• Give cash directly to families you know that are having a hard time.
• Make meals for new moms, homebound seniors, or families at your parish.
• Buy groceries for families you know who are in need.

Notice I didn’t include crafts, printable activities, or special devotionals. Those things are all great, but they’re not necessary. You don’t need to spend money to grown in holiness. If you focus on some of the basics for yourself and your family you’ll help establish habits your kids will carry with them as they outgrow crafts, and picture books (and I say that as someone who did a lot of crafts and picture books).

Secondly, recognize that Lent is not supposed to make you miserable. If you feel miserable and like a failure, you’re doing Lent wrong. The results of fasting, prayer and almsgiving should draw you closer to God. If you struggle to do any of those, God is not standing there like some angry dad waiting to punish you. He’s waiting to help pick you up and give you a hug. When you fail at something you decided to give up or take on, you just try again, and say a prayer for God to strengthen you to do better. That’s it. Remove all the negative feelings you associate with Lent this year. If it helps, have a friend who can give you encouragement, not judgement, when you get discouraged. Going to confession can also help you feel like you’re getting a fresh start at your Lenten resolutions.

Lastly, how can you learn to embrace the hunger, the annoyances, uncomfortableness of the season, even as your own life may already filled with suffering? I think it helps to just take on small things. When we blow Lent up into this huge thing we need to do on top of everything else, we feel more overwhelmed, when really participating in Lent can be just saying one extra prayer a day, skipping dessert one day a week, and making a meal for a family that just had a baby. If that’s all you can do because your life is in shambles, that’s still a good Lent!!! God’s not asking you to starve, or be in pain, or instantly be at peace with whatever suffering you may be experiencing. You can work on offering up the suffering in your daily life during Lent, or not. Your life can be hard and difficult to understand, and you can just say, “Lord, I don’t know why everything is so hard right now, but I’m still going to do these small things for Lent and see what happens.” The Church is asking you do observe Lent because it’s a good thing, not to make your life worse, and sometimes when we’re up to our eyeballs in crap, its hard to remember that.

I think many of the messages out there today that encourage creativity, or novel approaches to Lent can make us forget it’s an important liturgical season, not some trending TikTok challenge. Generations of Catholics would never have considered “giving up Lent for Lent”, an option, and their lives weren’t any easier than ours. Perhaps this is because our individualized approach to Lent means while we’re trying to stay off social media, our friends are making big announcements online. Or we give up sweets and alcohol and every family event features mountains of goodies and beer that we must watch everyone consume around us. So my last tip for not stressing out about Lent, is to observe it in community. Choosing resolutions as a family can be helpful, or keeping in touch with a small group of friends who all agree to the same Lenten practices. When I did a Whole 30 for Lent years ago, Tony did it with me, and I had the support of a whole bunch of readers through a private Facebook group I created. Ultimately, that was one of the most difficult fasts I ever did, but I completed it because of the community of support. Every year our family all gives up sweets and I clear out the house of all junk food. The sacrifice is easier because we’re all in it together.

To summarize:

• If you’re not sure what to give up for Lent, start with the bare minimum; the precepts of the Church.
• If you’re observing all the precepts, trying doing one additional thing in each category; prayer, fasting, and almsgiving.
• You don’t need to get creative or buy anything special to observe Lent.
• Lent shouldn’t make you feel miserable. If you feel miserable, there’s a good chance that’s Satan, but it’s definitely not God.
• If you slip up or make a mistake, don’t worry about it. Start over. You’re not a failure and God’s not angry.
• Lent is a good thing. Even small practices count. You shouldn’t feel overwhelmed. If you are, choose less things to do.
• Observing Lent is not optional for Catholics. If you’re having a hard time going it alone, find family or friend support.

As for my resolutions, I will continue with the Emmaus 90 program, I will observe the pre-1962 fast including giving up Coke and alcohol, and Tony and I are going to observe a “no buy” Lent and donate some of the money we save. The boys have also asked me to give up cursing again so I’m going to work on that. Our family will continue to abstain from sweets.

I’m not sure the internet really needed another guide on “how to do Lent”, but those are my thoughts anyway. You can read all my other thoughts about the season by visiting my Lent tag. I will remember you all in my prayers this year!