Lesson Plans I Can Live With

Is it just me or does it seem that most lesson plans are written for the homeschooling mom with only one attentive student? These plans assume that you and your child can sit undisturbed for at least 8 minutes. Lately, it seems like I do most of my schooling in a semi-Quasimodo hunch over the dining table, just dragging myself around in circles from one child to the next.  Even when the older children grasp the idea of holding their questions until a designated “one on one” time, the baby or toddler or both  simply takes to screaming. I need real life lesson plans. I imagine something like this;

“Tell the student to open their student workbook to page 48. Stop the baby from smearing banana in his hair. Wipe banana from baby and front of your pajamas. Read instructions at the top of the workbook page while pointing out examples from the sample given below the instructions. Tell student to take pencil out of his nose,  and repeat instructions. Have student complete the first sentence while you run after the baby who somehow made it to the top of the basement steps. Tell student that they’d better complete that first sentence or else, in a threatening tone that implies you mean business. Ignore the cries of your child who is fed up with math. Check over first sentence. Dig red pen out of your robe pocket or hair  or settle for the red crayon on the table. Make corrections. Ask student to complete the remaining exercises and redo the first sentence. State that, yes you are serious. Tell them if they absolutely must, they can go to the bathroom, but no stalling. Once all the sentences are completed, go over using the answer key at the back of the manual. If you laid this manual down in a pool of cereal milk, the answers are also available online through our website.Now go bang on the bathroom door. “