Essential oils are all the rage right now. Within a 24 hour period, I had two friends ask if I was interested in doing a review/ giveaway on the blog about their oils and I declined because I had just bought oils from a third friend a couple days prior.
A search of Pinterest will pull up essential oil remedies for everything. Until my recent purchase, I was pretty sure my mommy blogger card was going to get revoked for not dousing my family in oils and stocking my medicine cabinet with things like Ylang Ylang (isn’t that the name of a panda?) and Valarian (which I mistakenly believed to be a Nordic god.)
But, as a cheapskate, I just couldn’t ignore the prices of those tiny, tiny bottles of oil. I understand they’re super distilled and pure and probably kissed by flax-headed virgins before shipping but why should I drop all that dough when there’s oils all around me for a fraction of the cost?
Take my Wesson. It’s concentrated vegetables grown in America’s heartland. I figured if applying a couple drops of Clary Sage behind your ears or on your wrists can relax you, why not my used cooking oil? I do put sage in my breading mixture after all.
I found that inhaling the aroma of french fries and crab cakes really brought balance to my day while driving the dog into a state of frenzy every time I came near. The only downside was everyone kept expecting something better than cold tuna salad for dinner.
I also know that oils can be diffused into the air. Since I couldn’t pin any of my older children down long enough to try some Wesson on their necks (“THIS WILL HELP YOU RELAX!!! LAY STILL!!!”) I thought forcing them to inhale some oils was the logical next step.
As we’re all feeling a bit unmotivated in the school department, I decided to try a little undiluted motor oil in my kids old Vaporizer. The results were mixed. Teddy and Fulton loved the feeling of being on a racetrack while I kept feeling like I was stuck in the waiting room of a Sears Auto Center. The older kids kept claiming they had “headaches” and “were going to be sick” but since they refused my offers of a Wesson temple massage for relief, I think they were bluffing.
While checking my house for any other oils I might have overlooked I discovered my bottle of Oil of Olay daily moisturizer What can be better than the concentrated oil from Olay’s?? Even though I’m not sure what an Olay is (perhaps the American way of saying “Ole'”?) I made sure to slather on an extra thick coat so those healthy oils could take off a few additional years from my face.
Finally, I remembered one of my friends posting a picture of a diffuser locket she wore to help fight anxiety during the day. Of course, I decided to DIY myself a personal diffuser. At first I considered just using a lace hankie sprinkled with a little oil tucked closely to my breast, like a classy Victorian lady. But since I can’t find my handkerchief and have resorted to using wadded up balls of toilet paper as of late, I went another route.
Pure coconut oil! The relaxing sent of the tropics right under my nose! And when I went to fry up some eggs, I didn’t have to make a trip to the pantry. I know it’s dangerous to use some oils straight without dilution and I learned that the hard way when my necklace snapped and the container of oil landed on my foot. Live and learn!
What experience do you have with essential oils? Any favorites to pass along? I’ve heard a lot of good things about fish oil, so I’m considering rubbing that on my feet before bed tonight or maybe sticking a lavender scented dryer sheet under my pillow! These old fashioned, natural remedies really are something amazing!
OH MY GOSH! This is tooooo funny!
Like a classy Victorian lady….
You are a hoot! Thanks for this lighthearted post on oils. Many people I know rave about their oils and take them very seriously but I just can’t seem to get past the price!
Oh my goodness. So hilarious! You are always funny, but you hit this one out of the park!
Oh my, this is the best!! I was laughing the entire time I read it. I particularly love the picture of you with that bottle of Wesson 🙂
Thank you so much for this post–and the great photos. So much for the pretentiousness of using essential oil! This bunny needed a boost today–one of the six little rabbits is sick.
So, thank so much for my sorely needed laugh of the day! LOLROTF! My favorite of your hilarious post is the Pennzoil being poured into the vaporizer.
Thanks so much for the most laughter I’ve had this week! We do use essential oils and diy stuff, but yours were super creative (and hilarious to boot). I’m wondering if the motor oil thing might get my husband to like the idea of the oils? Oh yeah, just thinking olive oil may be a good scent for a little “armchair travel”!
This is so funny! I actually listened to a webinar today on essential oils because my college student has been constantly sick. It takes so much for me to laugh (I hardly have a sense of humor), but this was just great!
This may be my favorite blog post of all time!! I literally busted out loud when I saw you with the coconut oil around your neck ! Miss you!
I love this!!! I’m sensitive about smells, and I would no more try essential oils than I would lie down in the middle of the road. You just made me feel that I have been right all along in not jumping on the essential oil bandwagon!
Oh, and I think your hair is super-cute. Didn’t you say you didn’t like it? No, you couldn’t have. It’s adorable.
Hilarious. Oil from olays!! I need it!!
I love essential oils. Balk at the price all you want, but you will save more money not buying prescription drugs and you’ll be healthier overall.
What oil should I use to heal the rolling-related eyeball sprain I just developed?
This is the best EO post in the history of the internets. Thank you, Kelly!
Essential oils are no replacement for prescription drugs. That’s a pseudoscience and as bad as believing the Sun rotates around the Earth. They may have reasonable benefits but they aren’t miraculous! Kudos to Kelly for having a sense of humor!
YES! Thank you for saying that! My biggest concern with this oils craze is that every saleswoman seems to liken herself a trained, knowledgeable healthcare provider- very dangerous and scary! I’m relieved to read that the FDA is laying the smackdown on some of these folks for their ridiculous, far-fetched, potentially dangerous claims.
Really? So what essential oil would you recommend for my daughter’s exercise-induced asthma they she won’t outgrow until her lungs catch up with her at about age seven? If she has accelerated breathing, a fever, and isn’t getting enough oxygen, you’re suggesting that EOs are better and will cure her without the needed use of her prescription Albuterol? Right. And monkeys might fly out of my butt.
This is awesome. I have nothing else to add. No, I’m wrong. OLIVE OIL!
Hilarious. Don’t forget castor oil.
This is perfection. Your expressions say it all.
But have you tried snake oil yet? It’s probably my favorite EO ever. 😉
Dear LORD…you are right! What the heck IS Olay? Why haven’t I asked this before?!
Ha! Hilarious! I do love using my oils though.
Love it – absolutely hysterical!
We use oils and it has cut down on doctor’s visits; however, we do go to the doctor when needed. There has to be balance. We get our oils via a reputable website and not MLM
I laughed uproariously!
OMG, Kelly! I came across the link to your blog here on Oils in my FB newsfeed, and as a soap/cosmetics formulator who uses a wide variety of fragrances as well as essential oils, I usually cringe when I see a new article about essential oils come across on FB, as there are so many that convey misinformation and sometimes dangerous claims and tips! But this one was a GREAT kick off to my morning, gave me a chuckle and a smile to last my whole day!! Great one!! Thanks!
This is hilarious and so apt.
Ok, I had to go check….
Olay originated in South Africa as Oil of Olay. Graham Wulff (1916–2008), an ex-Unilever chemist from Durban, started it in 1949. The name “Oil of Olay” was chosen by Wulff as a spin on the word “lanolin”, a key ingredient.
Also – trivia:
In Hong Kong the stuff is sold as Oil of Ulan, as Ulay sounds very close to a Cantonese expletive.
Huh. You learn something everyday. Thanks Kelly!
This is my favorite thing I’ve ever read. You have won the internet.
Man, my mom was so ahead of the times with the cod liver oil we got to enjoy in the early 90s! I should definitely start diffusing that.
Bwahahaha! Thanks for the laugh- read it to my hubby too! He calls them ‘non-essential oils’. I have a few around to scent some lotions for my boy with eczema, but I haven’t taken to diffusing them through the house to magically ward of colds, flu, plague and cancer.
This is the best.
Enjoyed the satire. But a pure EO is priceless for those I know who have been chronically ill with no hope going the traditional route. And beware judging the price or the method of delivery – many of us are moms just like you who want to share, not replace your doctor. The vision of a world with EO’s is one in which we each get to take what was a less mainstream mode of self care, learn how to use it ourselves, empower us with the ability to do it, have the science and a network of support behind us – personally, it sounds rather pioneer-like. People had to learn how to care for themselves for centuries. We now overely on a system that is overburdened and unable to give us well rounded care. And amortizing the cost of your oils allows you to see the big picture, not the literal price tag. It really is only cents/drop, and you only need drops for healing. It can be cheaper than anything else, and sits in your med cab for when you need it, doesn’t expire for years – seriously – don’t jump to conclusions without doing more homework. That. is. all. 🙂
I love essential oils. I love this post. I don’t even care if you’re making fun of me…. It’s hilarious.
Perfect!! Crazy expensive placebos! And migraine triggers if you are sensitive to odors like I am! Yes, even the anti migraine formula someone gifted me gives me a migraine! ?
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