Seven Day Christmas Planner for Winners!Humor
One week until Christmas! The most organized of you have planned and shopped for weeks. Maybe you could even sit back and relax this Advent season. Not me! Now’s the time when I finally break out my Christmas planner. Why spend weeks or months preparing for Christmas when I’ve got it all broken down into seven easy steps!
Don’t worry; I’ve created a handy printable to help you along!
Seven days prior: Time to get a tree. Find a tree shedding less than 39 needles per square inch. Pull out all the lights from the attic, basement, front gutter of your house, that have morphed into knotted LED balls. Insert balls into tree. Throw tinsel on it!! Then to fill in any bare spots, grab a couple of cans of silly string and hose that bad boy down. If you’re feeling adventurous, or are on your third glass of wassail tell the kids to hang their favorite ornaments while you drink more wassail in the bathroom.
Six days prior: Certainly your tree will bring an air of festivity to your home, but don’t forget the rest of the decor. Make sure your Nativity set is front and center. Improvise for any missing pieces.
Five days prior: Today you shop for gifts. Say some prayers. Bless yourself with holy water. Make sure your last will and testament is in order. Write down a list of everyone you absolutely must buy a present for. Don’t forget stockings! Now move through the store and buy, buy, buy! Don’t think too much about what you’re purchasing, just keep the receipts. Cats with hats PJ pants? Grandmom! Tub of Oxyclean? The five-year-old (stick some toys in it and it’s a “sensory tub”). Character socks? Papa! Grab a matching tie too while you’re at it. Stop at the liquor store on the way home to congratulate yourself on a job well done! Pick up some of those tiny bottles for everyone you forgot to buy something for.
Four days prior: If you’re feeling guilty about that stack of cards you started addressing three Christmas’ ago or are feeling like a jerk for not mailing anything in response to the detailed Christmas letters and professional glossy photo cards, pick five families you don’t regularly see and mail them guys a card. If you don’t have old cards to use, rip the fronts off some of the ones you’ve already received and send some Christmas “postcards” this year. If you’re feeling ambitious, send out ten, but if you were ambitious you wouldn’t be seriously reading this list and taking notes.
Three days prior: Time to wrap those thoughtful gifts! Step one, drop present in kitchen trash bag. Step two, secure with twist tie. Step three, trim or fold over the top of the trash bag. Step four, write the recipients name in Sharpie somewhere on the side. Viola! Martha Stewart quality wrapping. The best part is, you’re already set to clean up all the packing material.
Two days prior:Time to plan your menu for Christmas day and rub elbows with all the other procrastinators at the grocery story. Select a slab of meat, a frozen vegetable and a starch. Think of something classy the Holy Family might like to eat, like Tyson chicken patties, mixed waxed beans and instant mashed potatoes. Decide on a special Christmas food that can become a holiday tradition, maybe Double Stuff Oreos or Hot Pockets. Make sure to check your fridge and pantry before you head out to make sure you’re not out of essentials like the Pizza Rolls you traditionally leave out for Santa and his reindeer.
One day prior: It’s Christmas Eve! Now is a good time to make sure everyone in the family has showered recently and has appropriate church clothes. Thankfully, Midnight Mass is dark so even if your son’s dress pants are now hitting him mid-calf, no one will notice so long as he wears dark socks. Do all the ladies have nice dresses free of spit up stains, animal fur and mud? Use a dark permanent marker to cover stains or Wite Out on light spots. Check for stockings free from runs or layer two pairs with holes in different spots. Be sure to snag a family picture up on the altar after Mass just as everyone starts to meltdown.
Now go to bed knowing that tomorrow, Santa will have left a ton of great presents disguised as garbage under your tree after ingesting a delicious snack of water and luke warm pizza rolls covered in dust because the kids dropped them on the floor 38 times taking them from the microwave to the coffee table.
Seriously, it’s as simple as that. I don’t know why some people complicate things for weeks and weeks on end.
Next week is Christmas, the week after that, New Year’s Day. I’m hoping y’all have plenty to keep you busy besides blogging, but I’ll make sure the link up is live just in case. I might not post any takes myself, but remember the link up stays live all week so you can add your holiday memories at any point and check out what your favorite bloggers were up to.
Until then, link up this week’s adventures below and don’t forget to include a link back to this post so your readers can find the rest of the Quick Takes. I look forward to reading your posts!
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