Welcome back shaky takers. I blinked and it was time to git this post done. Jumping in with both feet.
1. This is my to do list.
It is an accurate representation of my brain. Yes, I’ve crossed many things off my list, but I also forgot that my nine year old had camp this week. Plus, I got my hair cut and was in such a hurry to leave the salon with my wet head I didn’t even realize I’d consented to looking like a triangle.
No you don’t get a picture.
2. A LONE SERIOUS TAKE: A reader asked me on Instagram how to help her seven year old niece take a greater interest in the Mass. She’s probably not looking for my trusted solution which is “Be quiet and face the front of the Church! Set a better example for your siblings! You are making Mary weep right now!” She was asking for book suggestions, since the child loves reading but finds Mass “boring.” First, let me take a soapbox minute: during Mass, the best way to engage a child is to be engaged yourself, with something other than pulling someone’s finger out of their nose. Follow along in a missal, sing the hymns (guys, you too), show reverence, show up on time and don’t skip out early. Discuss the homily and readings after Mass with your spouse in front of the kids or ask them their thoughts. Kids will take the Mass seriously if you take the Mass seriously. If you act like Sunday’s are a huge hassle and grump your way through the Mass, of course your kids will hate it. Try attending daily Mass which is shorter and usually quieter. Sit up close so your kids can see everything that going on. As for books to encourage a love of the liturgy, what would y’all suggest? Comment below please.
3. Continuing with the questions (because seriously, I’ve got my mind on my laundry and my laundry on my mind) @nerdwriter tweets, “What would you do for a Klondike bar?”
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I can’t stand those things. And they melt too fast. My kids love them which is great because they’re just the right size to give Fulton a stomachache and they’re too small to make a dent in the older kids’ insatiable sweet teeth. “No you may not have another! Finish the melted mess on Fulton’s tray! Well then get a straw!”
4. Rebecca wants to know “When are we going to sip whiskey and make a podcast?”
As soon as editing a video or audio recording takes less time than having a third arm surgically attached to my forehead. Unless you’re up for a live broadcast, in which case I will lock the kids outside at the soonest convenience and borrow my father-in-law’s bottle of Cutty Sark. Because all whiskey takes horrible to me. I could take some serious time off purgatory if I used it to wash down Klondikes.
5. Rosie asks “If somebody forced you to eat a bat, how would you prepare it?”
First- is it already dead? If not, then chances are I’m dead because I’m near a bat, and if you’re the fool trying to make me eat the bat, watch out, because that little SOB is coming for you next. If it’s dead, and certified free of rabies from an independent lab of my choosing, then I would go all Ozzy Osbourne on it as a warning to other bats. If they knew how scared of them I really was they might make me the butt of all their jokes.
6. “Coke or Pepsi? Greek yogurt or regular? What am I always thinking of food?” –Marie
Marie, stop thinking of yourself for once. These are my takes and I’m always thinking about food because my children are always hungry. I try to keep them quiet by stuffing their mouths with calories but it’s only a temporary solution. I’m addicted to Coca-Cola and I like plain Greek yogurt but not at the same time because who wants to be belching plain yogurt? Ugh.
7. Wendy couldn’t stick to just one question and dropped a whole pop quiz on my lap, forgetting I was working at minimal brain capacity. “Fave type of cigar? How do you feel about low-flow toilets? Who was your favorite Backstreet Boy? Does Flo-Rida get a royalty every time you rap his songs in public? What is your favorite feast day? Liturgical season? What is your favorite psalm?”
I’m just going to answer the easy one and say, while I admire the water saving features of low-flow toilets, they just don’t always get the work done. A healthy diet full of natural fibers can only do so much. A toilet really needs to step up and do the work that’s asked of it and not leave a mama in distress when faced with a house full of guests. And a bonus related questions from Rachael, “Toilet paper, over or under?”
How about, shoved on the window sill or back of the toilet because no one has time to take the cardboard tube off the holder. Makes it so. much. easier. for the children of guests to take massive handfuls of toilet paper and shove it in my low flow toilets.
Alright, more nonsense next week. Link up your takes below and don’t forget to include a link back to this post so your readers can find the rest of the Quick Takes. I look forward to reading you posts!