I’m going to start with something light:
I always thought earrings went on ears, but maybe that’s why I’m not known for my fashion sense or home decor.
2. And now a mystery! What do you suppose this is a photo of??
If you answered “Seventeen lab vials that need to be filled with poop ASAP,” you’d be correct! And how does one win such a handsome prize?? Exhibit signs of an intestinal parasite! First world problems getting you down? Than why not try one from the third world? Apparently, you can do this without actually traveling to one. I’m trying to stay positive and just pretend I’m hosting a really small foreign exchange student.
4. Officially, we won’t know if it’s a parasite until the lab results come back which should only take, oh, a week and a half. Because the doctor can’t be certain what parasite it is, he’s hesitant to prescribe something immediately, unless the symptoms return with a vengeance. Currently, everyone is feeling pretty good, but that seems to be how this thing works. Tranquility, and then BOOM, I’ve got an explosion of vial samples.
5. It occurred to me today that I never used a “shock and awe” reference in my post about bras a few weeks back. This realization added to my sadness.
6. Does anyone else talk extra loud to their kids when they’re out to help clarify any questions strangers might have upon looking at you? Like, when I was walking Edie across the parking lot to dance camp the other night some people started towards us and I started blurting out “Yes Edie, Mama is tired and needs to go home and get back to bed. I’m just not feeling good today. Papa will bring you home because, just look at me, I’m so sick. I shouldn’t be out looking like this, but I wanted to make sure you don’t miss your dance camp.” Like by saying that, these people will overhear and then understand that this otherwise wretched and tattered looking women is really a supermodel who’s just having one bad day. I don’t really look like this all the time people!!!!! Maybe it’s just the parasites. I’m pretty sure I’m going to blame everything on the parasites until the antibiotics have run their course. And then I’ll blame everything on the antibiotics. Then, I’ll be forced to accept that I’m just normally pretty unstable.
“Which would you take: a 0.01% chance of being bitten in half by a one-ton reptile, or a 70% chance of a scorpion sneaking into your bed and attacking you?” OR a 100% chance of being forced to fill vials with poop while nauseous thanks to an intestinal parasite?
Would you like to go wash your hands now? I understand. Just be sure to swing back to Jen’s for healthier takes. I need to go clear my calendar for an exciting weekend of…well you know.
I probably don’t want to know the answer to this, but um, how do you fill vials with poop? Do you squat over them? Use a spoon? Maybe an icing bag? Or am I just giving you creative ideas?
Yes. I am curious about this as well! Maybe I shouldn’t be, but we will chalk it up to logging it for future reference. My kids are crazy enough they might end up with a parasite.
Well, they included a large quantity of tongue depressors with the vials so maybe they’re supposed to help somehow???
Tears. Real tears steaming down my face as I cackle over this. I’m sorry, Kelly. Truly truly sorry you’re going through this. But dang, girl. If you were looking for blog material, well, BOOM! You got it, in spades. And Jenna’s question is the one no one wants to ask but really actually wants the answer to.
Oh my goodness, Kelly. I am so sorry. And #6? YES.
So sorry!! Extra prayers for you guys until this passes (pun intended) for good! Meanwhile, might you be the NJ residents mentioned in this story? Are you quasi-famous?
We’re not confirmed cases at this point, but this story is what led me to drag all the kids to the pediatrician. We have all the symptoms and they won’t go away unlike the usual 24hr bug. I’m usually not a stomach bug spaz, but I can’t risk Fulton especially having symptoms for four to six weeks or longer.
Man, I put a link in my comment and I think it got sent to spam. I hope you are all feeling better soon!
You left one column on your chart blank that could be filled—an intestinal parasite could probably bit you in half. Just sayin…
I’m sorry all of you are sick, but I LOVED your table.
And you’re not even on a ship off the coast of Africa!
Ew, ew, ew! That’s my response to the first few comments. 🙂 As for #6, I laughed out loud because that is me.
Oh my goodness – I was in your same place about two weeks ago! I thought it was salmonella, but wound up in the flippin’ ER from dehydration and a case of infectious colitis due to a bacterial infection or parasite issue (I’m having to chase my lab results all over creation – so I don’t actually know what I had yet! That’s a whole ‘nother story…) Both my kids had it, but fought it off quickly. I wasn’t so lucky. There were vials involved. Fun times. Here’s hoping y’alls isn’t a parasite/bacterial infection and just a simple bug that will clear without antibiotics!! I’ll be praying for y’all.
Done the poop vials more times than I care to think about since my older two have on-going GI issues that we just can’t get to the bottom of. Enter: mutliple poop vials. Yuckers.
HAHAHAHAHAHA I’ve been absent from blogland so much lately and I really miss your posts. They always makes me laugh so hard I cry. Seriously.
You win. You win a thousand times over. I’m going to go find a scorpion to hug.
After people in public give us a nasty look, I frequently say, very loudly, “It’s ok kids, that woman just doesn’t like children.”
Prayers for you and your family for the intercession of St. Erasmus, patron saint against (among others) intestinal disorders and stomach diseases.
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