{SQT} I’m Number One In Searches That Have Nothing To Do With My Blog

Writing up some early quick takes and hoping one of my west coast bloggy pals who know my name, email and how to cut and paste a web address will link me up at Jen’s upon the appointed hour. (Use the pic from #2 please.) Otherwise, I’ll be owning that coveted #214 slot Saturday morning.

And what better way to rejoin the cult of CD than with a look at some of my most unusual search result hits to date. Bottom of the barrel post?…yes, definitely so, but funny none the less. If you’re a blogger, leave the weirdest search engine term that brought a reader to your site and the blogger with the strangest term will win a prize.

1. “t shirt of virgin of guadalupe as skeleton with tea cup says tea time”

Does someone actually make and sell this, because I’ll take two…or is that blasphemous?….I meant to burn…I’ll take two to burn. Or is that worse? Why is there not an entry in the Compendium for this?!

2. “taxidermy pencil sharpener”

This also sounded like something I needed so I googled it and to my surprise, I’m the first link listed. Numbers two and three were deer butt electric pencil sharpeners.

Now is when you’ll be glad you have that Amazon Wish List button installed on your browser.

3. “anything you want to fat oily chick”

This is number three because I got three hits from this phrase. THREE. This fat oily chick wants you to take your creepy searching elsewhere.

4. “ginormous pumpkin dropped in pool”

I searched for a pumpkin harness to help you with that, but all I found was this, and apparently it costs $640 in jumbo size. Nobody liked swimming in that pool anyway. Let the algae reclaim it.



5. “everyone for himself in this desert of selfishness which is called life”


Hopefully, this insignificant speck of a blog floating aimlessly amidst the cosmos of the internet brought a happy sneer to your face.

6. “groove shakers music catholic”

Never. gets. old. How’d you wind up on  my blog when this is exists? Not ever close.

7. “butt stick out sma”

I’m all for spreading awareness but I draw the line at using my backside to solicit donations.

So now before swinging back to the Diary of Conversions, leave your funniest search result hit in the comments. The prize winner will be selected by a crack team of judges riding a ‘Sunday in Lent’ sugar high. Prize to be determined  by scavenging the back seat of my van.

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  1. It seems only rednecks find my site. Every single week, people find me by searching “boy peeing outside” and “pig waterer”. We had a pig die by drowning itself in its waterer. Apparently, the photos are popular.

  2. Unfortunately, my stat tracker only goes back 6 months. So the weirdest one right now is “cutup cake whale.” But I know in the past there have been ones involving poop.

    And I am horrified, but also slightly fascinated, by the pencil sharpener.

  3. O my gosh, this is absolutely hilarious!!! I laughed out loud to myself like an idiot hahaha I don’t have any strange ones on my blog per se…but I do have 38 hits (thirty eight freaking hits!!!) from this phrase: “the week then i work a” <– that's not even a full sentence!!!!! How???

  4. The Colbert/King of Glory bit is one of my favorite things… because that’s kind of how I grew up. Woo!

    Also, weirdest search term, well, I’m doing top 3. Because why not? Rulebreaker.
    1: proactiv “hot little mom”
    2: what liz is doing is criminal…she is taking the big onee for love…big pharma
    3: people standing around drinking beers silhouette

    Hello, #3. Join the party!

  5. “boy is peed his pant” is my current favorite – I get a lot of bodily fluid traffic, which I suppose I only have myself to blame for. But who is this boy and how did he manage to pee only ONE pant? I suppose, being a boy, he is uniquely capable of this feat.

    Although “kids butt crack” is always a popular one, too… I’m not sure my blog is attracting the right sort of person?

  6. I don’t have any interesting search terms on either of my blogs, but I just had a moment to come over here and say, “I LOVE YOUR BLOG!” I usually read it on my phone, and for some reason I can’t comment from there (not successfully anyway), so while my husband is out getting us a bottle of wine for a Lenten Friday (don’t judge me), and the kids are climbing fallen trees, I have a moment to get on the real computer and tell you that you’re like the brilliantly hilarious little sister I wish I had! Keep on writing the good fight. Please!

    Okay, gotta go. Wine just showed up.

  7. No interesting search terms for the blog, at least not according to Blogger. I guess that’s how I’ll know that I’ve made it “big time”!

    On the bright side, now I know I’ll be getting my brother a deer butt pencil sharpener for Christmas!

  8. This is hilarious! I’ve just discovered this blog and love it. The deer butt pencil sharpener??? Oh noooo. I haven’t read enough of your posts yet to know why you’d be the first site listed for that search, but I’m definitely intrigued. . .
    My favorite weird search term on my site is “boobs, buttocks, burritos”

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