The Summer Bucket List For Underachievers

About a month or so ago, they started popping up everywhere; Facebook, Buzzfeed, Pinterest, every lifestyle bloggers homepage- the nefarious ‘Summer Bucket List’.  And every single post was littered with smiling all American kid stock photos.

We’re having so much fun this summer thanks to my mom sacrificing all her free time to get us this stuff that we’ll quickly destroy and forget about!

If you created one of these and we’re friends, I’m totally not talking about you. I’m talking about that other woman who spent three hours on PicMonkey crafting a printable with space to write 150 things her precious cherub(s) must do this summer lest any boredom or un-memorable events befall them. If you can’t make an entire scrapbook page about it, they sure as hell ain’t doing it!

#12 No. #92 What does that even mean? #17 Are you trying to kill me?

First off a bucket list by definition, if you can even find a real definition outside urbandictionary.com, is a list of things you hope to accomplish before you die. Therefore, bucket lists should be reserved for retirees and people facing terminal illness, not already overworked moms who could seriously care less about how their kids spend their summer so long as it does not drag too much mud, blood or sand into the house.

But somewhere along the line, we, as parents had to start filling up every second of our kids free time. Forget just the extra curriculars, now we need boredom busters! To combat the evil of electronic devices and too much screen time, I’m now expected to create games and activities to have on hand for those moments when my children might be bored. It used to be you could say “Go outside!” or “Read a book!” or even “Clean your room!” and still be considered a fit mother. Now, you’d better have some glitter slime or glow sticks in a pool up your sleeve!

Hey kids? Are you bored? Make yourself this snazzy Boredom Buster Jar. That’ll teach you to complain.

And so we get summer bucket lists. Endless lists of activities designed to fill the long dog days of summer. From trips to Grandma’s house to “walking through long grass and picking off ticks” no highlight goes undiscovered.

I’ve got 99 problems this summer, cause at least I love s’mores.

For about an hour, I got caught up in the hooplah and created a list for our family. Seven things we’re going to do before this absurdity kills me.

1. Wait until the middle of June to think about summer activities, and then act surprised in front of the kids when everything is full.

2. Offer to take everyone out for ice cream, pack everyone in the van, and then remember that Teddy is severely lactose intolerant. Unload everyone and try to console them with ice pops chipped out of the bottom of the chest freezer. “I swear that’s not chicken broth! I’m quite certain it’s lemon ice!”

3. Finally dispose of the Christmas tree in a glorious bonfire. Tell the kids you invited the fire department on purpose.

4. Hold a playdate on what turns out to be the hottest day of the year so the kids can all pack into your house, heat it up beyond where the AC can handle it and then leave everything a sticky mess. “How is that even possible when I didn’t supply food????”

5. Reluctantly allow your kids to sleep out under the stars just so you can be woken up at 1 a.m. when a skunk sprays and stinks up all their camping gear.

6. Watch the kids laugh as they chase the barn cat, then listen with your face in your palms as they scream because he’s caught a chipmunk again….and it’s not dead!!!

7. Play animal hospital.

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What’s on your agenda this summer? I’ve got about 20,347 spaces yet to fill on my bucket list printable! Don’t forget to link up below too! Be sure to share a link back to this post so your readers can find the rest of the Quick Takes! I look forward to reading your posts!
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