The Gift That Keeps On Giving, And Reduces Nagging Too!


Humor, Seven Quick Takes / Friday, December 7th, 2018

It can be hard to find the right gift for your husband year after year. He has all the gadgets and clothes he needs, and you really don’t want another do-dad taking up space in the master bedroom. You’ve searched high and low for the best experience gifts but finding the pickings on Groupon pretty slim (Ax throwing? Hmmm…what’s our insurance deductible???). Why not consider a gift of personal enrichment? You, more than anyone, understand your husband’s strengths and weaknesses; so why not choose a gift that takes care of those undeveloped talents you’re tired of nagging him about?

This lady has the right idea:

Here’s some more suggestions. Feel free to use my text as a starting point for your own ads.

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Hi! I’m looking to hire a private investigator to help my husband locate things. My spouse is unable to find anything, even if it’s right in front of his face. And worse, if it’s not in front of his face, like say hiding behind a jar of mayo in the fridge, he’ll complain about it going missing and not knowing what happened to it when all he has to do is move the freaking mayo!  I’m thinking a three-part series given over the course of a weekend so he can work on finding the following groups of items; items needed to leave the house (keys, wallet, phone), ingredients needed to make a sandwich, items needed to properly adult (bills, receipts, clean underpants). My budget is $150. Thanks!

 

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Greetings y’all! I’d like to hire an experienced nanny to give my husband tips on how to take our small children to the back of the church when they’re acting up during Mass. Our kids are really great, but they get antsy and right now he can’t seem to manage watching them while I nurse our infant without someone losing an item of clothing, taking a dip in the baptistery, or biting an usher. Also, my husband usually stains or tears one of his shirts or pairs of pants in the process too. Our clothing budget can’t handle much more of this! Weekday evenings are best. Training in anger management a plus. Send resume and requested fee to the email listed below. Thanks!

 

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Hello. My husband acts like he doesn’t know how to load a dishwasher the right way. It’s tearing apart our marriage. I need someone to come and show him how to pre-scrub everything with Dawn soap before placing it in the dishwasher. Also, every time he puts the spoons in upside down, I die a little on the inside. We didn’t cover these types of situations in pre-Cana and I just need an experienced housekeeper to come and show him there’s a right way to do things. We could start with the dishwasher and maybe move onto the right way to vacuum so the vacuum lines left in the carpet are all perfectly straight before tackling another big one that keeps me up at night…the tinkle around the toilet seat. I just don’t know how I can raise civilized children with this man! Please help make our family’s Christmas merry and sanitary! I’m willing to pay $200 and will provide all the cleaning supplies. Must pass a background check, drug test, and hygiene inspection.

 

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Hey everyone! I’m looking to hire a stand up comedian to teach my husband some non-dad jokes. He’s a wonderful husband and father, but I’d love it if we could go to a social gathering and not be ostracized due to his sense of humor. He doesn’t seem to understand that a joke our three-year old son finds hilarious might not appeal to a larger audience. The ideal candidate will have tons of material to share not related to bodily functions or puns. Also teaching my husband to avoid continually referencing funny things that happened in TV shows from the 1990s would be a great! I can pay $75, $100 if you can come over this week before my company’s holiday party.

 

What enrichment classes could your husband use? (On the flip side, what type of instruction might he “gift” you with this Christmas?) Write it down then link it up below. Be sure to include a link back to this post so your readers can find the rest of the Quick Takes. I look forward to reading your posts!


5 Replies to “The Gift That Keeps On Giving, And Reduces Nagging Too!”

  1. LOL! My favorite was the private investigator! EXACTLY what my husband needs 😀 His wallet, sandwich supplies and shoes are, according to him, always being stolen; either by our kids or mean house elves, not sure which.

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