I’m going to come right out and say, this is the last goals post; at least for monthly goals. On one hand, I need outside accountability, but on the other blogging every week about my goals was too much, while blogging once a month about them isn’t enough.
So at this point, I’m not sure how to proceed. Perhaps an accountability group would be better suited to my needs. I’d love to create one for any readers who want to join me, but I’d also be open to joining an existing group with a few familiar faces. Let me know if you’re interested, have any leads or suggestions.
Goals in bold, notes following. (Or maybe I should be honest and say, long exasperated vent coming. Proceed with caution.)
Establish good (but not stressful) daily and weekly routines for myself and family. This includes blogging three times a week and remembering to comment, email and share more socially on a regular basis. I seriously have no idea where September went. All I do remember saying to my husband at some point after my birthday (9/26) was that once we get into October we are focusing on school and not going anywhere.
I think it’s a combination of things, a big one being that Teddy has not slept well since our Midwest trip (and he didn’t sleep too well on it either.) He usually doesn’t seem much worse for the wear, however Tony and I are exhausted. I’m in bed until the last minute every morning and asleep or non-functioning by 9:30 p.m. most nights.
Even now that we’re into October, and we are focusing on school and not going anywhere, my days are a blur. It is very hard to feel like I’ve accomplished anything outside the absolute bare minimum. I thought we’d made progress on the home health care front but after several weeks of great correspondence, it’s been a month with no reply and only a voice-mail box to great us on the other end.
Honestly, I just want the ablity to afford help on our own, without some government program. I’d like an extra set of hands without red tape, sitting on hold, or exposing all our personal financial records to someone’s scrutiny. I don’t want to become reliant on something that could at any point change or disappear. I think that’s why I’m not harassing these people on the phone non-stop. Because one, I do have multiple other things I can be doing and two, because I keep holding out hope that somehow through other channels we’ll be able to manage on our own. (And before anyone even thinks it; not a fundraiser. That is not a steady source of income. As quickly as you raise money, a home nurse or health aide will eat through it. And a huge sum of money sitting in a bank account can sometimes hurt a child’s eligibility for programs.)
Another admission; I guess I’d hoped by now that if I made more progress with speaking or a book I could help pay for some help myself. I love blogging and writing, and I’d love to spend much more time doing both in, hopefully, profitable ways. But it’s a vicious circle because it’s hard to make time or find the energy to write without help already in place.
All in all, 2015 has been a tough year for me. Certainly, my life still has much joy, but the boys’ care has noticeably increased (along with their weight), homeschooling is more time intensive and draining, stress from Tony’s job uncertainty spilled into our family life and although it’s probably whining to say so, I desperately want to move. I think I’m willing to gnaw my right arm off for a ranch house right now thanks to the three or more trips we make up and down the stairs at night to roll over one of the little boys. If it was just one of these things in a year, maybe I wouldn’t feel so overwhelmed. My word of the year is ‘gratitude’ so I’ve been really trying to see the good in everything but often forgetting as I’m often caught up in the chaos.
I do think there is a light at the tunnel. We will get help, and that will make a big difference in many ways. Plus, I do believe a move could be in the foreseeable future. I just need to keep moving forward, finding the joy, be grateful for all the wonderful things right in front of my face, venting online when needed (are you seriously still reading?) and offering the rest up.
Stop comparing myself to other people who seem to get everything done all the time. Given my fatigue, my inability to meet personal and family goals and, I guess a somewhat self-defeating attitude on finding help, it’s no surprise I still feel woefully inadequate compared to many women. Thankfully, I did get to confession recently and I feel that helped. Sacramental grace FTW!
Work three hours on the book proposal. No. But I did speak with, and pick the brain of a close friend/ mentor about writing a book (and speaking) and the advice has helped shift my focus to what I could (or should) be doing in my limited time.
Demand kids finalize their Halloween costume selections and gather supplies. Done, though I only have one costume completed. Guess I need to get busy on the rest before I host a party on the 31st.
New goals? I’m not sure how to proceed. Perhaps:
Don’t die. Drink wine. Hug the kids more. Pray.
I could make that a life motto. How’s your fall shaping up? If you’re already prepping for Christmas, I don’t think I want to hear about it.