Trying to Keep My {monthly goals}

Uncategorized / Wednesday, October 7th, 2015

I’m going to come right out and say, this is the last goals post; at least for monthly goals. On one hand, I need outside accountability, but on the other blogging every week about my goals was too much, while blogging once a month about them isn’t enough.

So at this point, I’m not sure how to proceed. Perhaps an accountability group would be better suited to my needs. I’d love to create one for any readers who want to join me, but I’d also be open to joining an existing group with a few familiar faces. Let me know if you’re interested, have any leads or suggestions.

Goals in bold, notes following. (Or maybe I should be honest and say, long exasperated vent coming. Proceed with caution.)

Establish good (but not stressful) daily and weekly routines for myself and family. This includes blogging three times a week and remembering to comment, email and share more socially on a regular basis. I seriously have no idea where September went. All I do remember saying to my husband at some point after my birthday (9/26) was that once we get into October we are focusing on school and not going anywhere.

I think it’s a combination of things, a big one being that Teddy has not slept well since our Midwest trip (and he didn’t sleep too well on it either.) He usually doesn’t seem much worse for the wear, however Tony and I are exhausted. I’m in bed until the last minute every morning and asleep or non-functioning by 9:30 p.m. most nights.

Even now that we’re into October, and we are focusing on school and not going anywhere, my days are a blur. It is very hard to feel like I’ve accomplished anything outside the absolute bare minimum. I thought we’d made progress on the home health care front but after several weeks of great correspondence, it’s been a month with no reply and only a voice-mail box to great us on the other end.

Honestly, I just want the ablity to afford help on our own, without some government program. I’d like an extra set of hands without red tape, sitting on hold, or exposing all our personal financial records to someone’s scrutiny. I don’t want to become reliant on something that could at any point change or disappear. I think that’s why I’m not harassing these people on the phone non-stop. Because one, I do have multiple other things I can be doing and two, because I keep holding out hope that somehow through other channels we’ll be able to manage on our own. (And before anyone even thinks it; not a fundraiser. That is not a steady source of income. As quickly as you raise money, a home nurse or health aide will eat through it. And a huge sum of money sitting in a bank account can sometimes hurt a child’s eligibility for programs.)

Another admission; I guess I’d hoped by now that if I made more progress with speaking or a book I could help pay for some help myself. I love blogging and writing, and I’d love to spend much more time doing both in, hopefully, profitable ways. But it’s a vicious circle because it’s hard to make time or find the energy to write without help already in place.

All in all, 2015 has been a tough year for me. Certainly, my life still has much joy, but the boys’ care has noticeably increased (along with their weight), homeschooling is more time intensive and draining, stress from Tony’s job uncertainty spilled into our family life and although it’s probably whining to say so, I desperately want to move. I think I’m willing to gnaw my right arm off for a ranch house right now thanks to the three or more trips we make up and down the stairs at night to roll over one of the little boys. If it was just one of these things in a year, maybe I wouldn’t feel so overwhelmed. My word of the year is ‘gratitude’ so I’ve been really trying to see the good in everything but often forgetting as I’m often caught up in the chaos. 

I do think there is a light at the tunnel. We will get help, and that will make a big difference in many ways. Plus, I do believe a move could be in the foreseeable future. I just need to keep moving forward, finding the joy, be grateful for all the wonderful things right in front of my face, venting online when needed (are you seriously still reading?) and offering the rest up.

Stop comparing myself to other people who seem to get everything done all the time. Given my fatigue, my inability to meet personal and family goals and, I guess a somewhat self-defeating attitude on finding help, it’s no surprise I still feel woefully inadequate compared to many women. Thankfully, I did get to confession recently and I feel that helped. Sacramental grace FTW!

Work three hours on the book proposal. No. But I did speak with, and pick the brain of a close friend/ mentor about writing a book (and speaking) and the advice has helped shift my focus to what I could (or should) be doing in my limited time.  

Demand kids finalize their Halloween costume selections and gather supplies. Done, though I only have one costume completed. Guess I need to get busy on the rest before I host a party on the 31st.

New goals? I’m not sure how to proceed. Perhaps:

Don’t die. Drink wine. Hug the kids more. Pray.

I could make that a life motto. How’s your fall shaping up? If you’re already prepping for Christmas, I don’t think I want to hear about it.


9 Replies to “Trying to Keep My {monthly goals}”

  1. Thanks so much for your honesty. I’ve had a tough 2015 too. I’m utterly wiped out. It’s reassuring to know there are other people out there just giving all they have for their family. And not just like “I’m a mom, I give my all every day” but actually finding strength when you are positive nothing more is left. I hope something breaks for you soon!

  2. Perfect life motto – although I might move Pray to to the front of the list! 😉 Also, I don’t like people that are already working on Christmas. (Okay – it’s not that I don’t like them, I just don’t understand them.)

  3. Hi Kelly, I used to follow your and other Catholic mom blogs. Your blog always stood out to me. I stopped following all of these blogs on June 8th. That was the day of our 20-week ultrasound (my husband and I are expecting our first child on October 19th…we have to have a C-section because our baby is breech and it is just too risky to try to turn him). We found that our unborn son has abnormal posturing of all the joints in his upper extremities (his wrists are so flexed that it looks like his hands are folded on top of his forearms). Last week, we found that his head is measuring greater than the 95th percentile and the long bones in his upper and lower extremities are measuring below the 5th percentile (the long bones in his arms are very far behind in length). My husband and I have been going to mass daily, praying the Rosary almost daily, and praying multiple novenas…still I am having a hard time trusting God, having faith in Him. I have been feeling so, so sad for our child, sometimes angry, and very alone. I don’t know why I am sharing this with you, but I think you can probably relate and nobody I know has ever gone through anything like this.

    God bless you and thank you for being an honest and open person. You helps those of us who cannot relate to the blogs that paint pretty pictures of perfect lives feel much less alone.

    You will be in our prayers. Please keep us in your prayers as well.

    1. Mary, I am so sorry for what you’re going through. I wish I had some comforting words for you, but I don’t. I will pray for you, your husband, and your sweet baby.

      1. Kelly, Thanks so much for your encouraging email. It meant a lot to me that you responded. You gave me a lot of much-needed hope. Your family is in our thoughts and prayers.

  4. So… I do this thing with “unhealthy shoulds.” So often I think that I *should* be able to XYZ and then get frustrated that I can’t. I’m not saying I should excuse my own laziness but it helps me to be aware of this tendency. It helps me to start catching that voice in my inner monologue because most of the time it is me being overly critical and demanding of myself. And then I can adjust my expectations. Your things are really hard, and I mean that not in a depressing way but in an encouraging and affirming way. Please be gentle with yourself because the truth is that you are working hard to do the best you can! But p.s I would also like to be in an accountability group. I am a night owl anyway but I have got to get this crazy late bedtime under control so I can do all the rest of the stuff the next day. Seems so simple, but I need a boost.

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