My Husband Hates Haute Couture
When my husband met me, I was dying my hair every color of the rainbow and regularly wearing over-sized men’s pants with XL black or tie-dyed t-shirts. You’d think that by now he’d understand my unique sense of style and adjust his expectations accordingly. You’d think he’d just be grateful I’m not still stuck in the 90’s with my ratty flannel shirts and black nail polish.
But apparently, this Sunday’s outfit was just too over the top and he had to put his foot down.
Sleeping bag: vintage, circa. 1980’s
Shoes: Goodwill
Skinny belt that pulls it all together: came with a dress I bought at Burlington Coat Factory
Look, I know it doesn’t have a second arm hole but Tony had offered to hold Teddy in the cry room for me today anyway. And it’s the perfect modest length! (Bye bye sultry ankles!) Most of the stains came out in the wash and none of the holes revealed anything scandalous. Frankly, he should be glad I found something practical to use the nap attack sack for.
I mean, he won’t let me drape the sleeping bag over the back of the couch, he won’t let me lay it out on the bed, the kids run screaming from me when I try to show them it’s not inhabited with mold anymore… am I the only one with some sense in this family? I put up with a lot around here and I don’t think it’s too much to ask for everyone to tolerate my deep, intimate and long-standing relationship with this sleeping bag (or handicap van, dining hutch, vase, clock, lamp, etc.)
But, to keep the peace, I reluctantly changed into this ho-hum ensemble. Yawn…
Skirt: No
Tank top: one
Shirt: really
Shoes: cares.
Sure, I got a few compliments on the outfit, and lots of friends remarked on the new van. But while I may have been smiling on the outside, inside my heart was being torn to shreds, like the soft lining of my old sleeping bag once that mouse family moved in.
But I will carry on. Thankfully, the rest of the lovely ladies linking up at Fine Linen and Purple should distract me from the hard truth that Tony’s not going to accept the sleeping bag as a veil either.
I mean, the sleeping bag wasn’t covering up your shoulder, so Tony was probably right to make you change! Garfield does not tolerate immodesty.
Ohmyword- did you just side with my husband?! I’m putting your comments back on moderation.
It’s probably only because red wasn’t liturgically correct today. Try again on Pentecost?
I agree with all the paragraph paragraphs. Excellent post on all things fashion. You we should read me blog post on fashion:
Link here: http://www.spamspamspam.com
Moderate THAT!
HA!!
Salacious ankle-age in photo número dos.
I can totally see the people at your church being totally able to focus on the Mass with you wearing the Garfield sleeping bag.
Dear Kelly,
Thanks. I totally thought my water broke, but it was just incompetent bladder control from trying not to wake the kids while snorting at the thought of you wearing that *gorgeous* ensemble to Mass.
Love,
Your ridiculously pregnant over-emotional friend who supplies hutches to those in need.
P.S. – the kids want to know if they can come live in your new van of awesome.
There are no words. (And yes, those are words. But you know what I mean. Right?)
Well I thought it was gorgeous. Maybe you could wear it around the house instead…
What? You think she hasn’t been?
Good for her 😀
“I mean, he won’t let me drape the sleeping bag over the back of the couch, he won’t let me lay it out on the bed”
I understand you love your sleeping bag, and I thought of an ideal place for it the dumpster bag.
Whoops, sorry for the typo. Instead of “dumptser bag” I meant to type barn.
At least then you’ll have something to sleep on.
Love you!
While I agree with Tony, he did himself no favors by caving into 1962ism and wearing that green tie yesterday! Octaves, people, octaves!
Might not the giver of the homily take it amiss at the display of lack of confidence in the wearing of something comfortable to sleep in to services?
A recent research study concluded, that if you were to lay all the people in the world who fall asleep during sermons and homilys that they… well… they’d be a lot more comfortable.
“The color of my pastor’s eyes, in truth, I can’t define, for when he prays he’ll close his eyes, and when he preaches I close mine.”
Suggestion: Plushy Garfieldy Captain’s-seat-cover for the van. 🙂 And Lasagna for supper!
This made me laugh out loud!
Hey, you never know–if a major fashion house picks this up, it could be the next big thing! Then everyone will know you had the superior fashion sense all along!
You’re the best. The funniest.
I actually thought you pulled it off pretty well.
And your husband reads your blog! Amazing.
I think you could fix the shoulder issue with an appropriately placed hair clip (or chip clip, which might be more appropriate to the theme of the sleeping bag)
One day you will thank that hubby of yours!