You Have A Choice: Talk To Those Who’ve Gone Before You
They say abortion is a women’s choice, however it seems to me many women choose abortion because they feel they don’t have any other choice. They are pressured by angry parents, unsupportive partners, persistent doctors, and well-meaning friends to terminate a pregnancy that will supposedly make life hard, or unbearable, for themselves and their unborn child. When presented with only horrific ‘what ifs’, a woman can feel that choosing to give birth to her child is worse than ending his or her life.
If you are faced with an unplanned or high-risk pregnancy, or your unborn child has been diagnosed with a disability, and you feel abortion is your only option, I encourage you to talk to women who’ve walked in your shoes and can give you a better perspective than the doctors, family members and friends who, while claiming to care about your best interests, have never actually raised a child alone on government assistance, held a child who died shortly after birth, cared for a child with cerebral palsy, lived life with a physical disability, or ended a high risk pregnancy via induction or C-section.
Don’t rely on people who can only present you with grim statistics and possible outcomes. Don’t allow the angry or inconvenienced to tell you what’s in your best interests. Find out for yourself. Don’t be afraid of doing this hard thing. You don’t have to walk this road alone; so many of us have been there before. You may upset the doctor, your boyfriend, your parents, your boss, but it’s your body, your choice and you have the right to keep your baby and piss off as many people as you want in the process. Call upon those of us who’ve gone before you- who’ve been pressured to abort a child, who’ve been shamed, and abandoned. We will support your choice because everyday we see how choosing life has improved our lives and that of our child. None of us thought we could do it; we had doubts, fears, wondering about those horrible what ifs, but now we’re all here on the other side and we can tell you we’d do it again in a heartbeat.
During one of my first interviews on The Jen Fulwiler radio show, Jen asked for my opinion on a piece she’d heard about a women who terminated her pregnancy because she learned her unborn son would have Spina Bifida. The woman’s husband was concerned the child would have an unsatisfying or nonexistent sex life, and so she had an abortion. Angry and astonished, I quickly blurt out, “Did this couple ever consider talking to anyone with Spina Bifida?!” All I could think of was my friend, a woman with Spina Bifida who uses a wheelchair, who is happily married with a son. To think, this couple denied themselves a child based on their preconceived views on what life with Spina Bifida would be like, rather than actually learning about it from someone with the disease. Don’t deny yourself the gift of a child just because the package or circumstances don’t look exactly the way you expected.
Let me personally introduce you to women who’ve been single moms, teen moms, and to children and adults living happy lives with the diagnosis your unborn child has (like Down Syndrome, Spina Bifida, Cerebral Palsy and more). I know parents who’ve said goodbye to their children after only a few hours or days and have no regrets (and they’re not alone). I know women who, due to their own medical complications, gave birth much sooner than expected, and those who know the NICU inside and out. I can introduce you to the families who’ve adopted the children of unplanned pregnancies and the open relationships they have with the birth mothers.
Let me connect you to resources like Good Counsel Homes, and help you fill out the paperwork required to get WIC, food stamps, welfare or other public assistance. Let me provide you with love and support, and if you wish, tell you how to put your child up for adoption and introduce you to agencies so you can learn how it works. Or I will help you find childcare, arrange transportation, and help you fight your employer if they discriminate against you.
Prolifers, this is our job; not to simply say “Don’t have an abortion! Abortion is bad!” but to actively provide the alternative solutions- whether it be through sharing our stories and experiences and connecting struggling moms with resources to learn more; or by giving assistance to those who want to choose life for their babies but are alone in their decision to do so.
This post is not me simply waxing poetic. I will personally help you. Email me and I will connect you with a woman you can talk to about your specific pregnancy issue. It is almost impossible that the situation you find yourself in has not been experienced by someone else. I personally know women who’ve come through all the situations listed above, and I will connect them to you. I will help you find the resources in your area if you need a doctor or government assistance. If you need an adoptive family, I volunteer mine! but I can also point you to agencies that can help you set up a plan to place your child. If you’re a reader who is willing to do the same for other women, get the word out. Share that you’re a person a women in crisis can come to for help so no one needs to feel alone if they want to choose life for their baby.
Only when no one feels the need to choose abortion, will we have succeeded as a prolife movement.
Now for some Takes! Link up below and be sure to include a link back to this post so your readers can find the rest of the Quick Takes. I look forward to reading your posts!
This is all beautifully said and really speaks to what so many pro-abortion critics claim of this of us on the “other side”. That is, the constant question of, if we want all the babies here, what are we going to do when they are here or what will we do to help the mothers as they struggle and here it is 🙂 The only thing I would note to this though, is that sometimes an unplanned pregnancy is like depression. We provide resources. We want to help. We want to be that support with resources, love and guidance. However, it is often the case that mothers cannot speak this to people. They cannot seek that help in the same way that people want to help the depressed and give support but those folks cannot muster the voice to reach out. This is similar to what I have seen with women considering abortion so to that, I do not know what the answer is. However, it has been beautiful to witness over the years things such as your blog with open offers for help and movements like 40 days for Life being at the ready outside of clinics to provide on the spot help which differs from what I saw in my college days and before. This is beautifully written and may it be a blueprint for everyone who loves babies and loves the Mamas chosen to give them the greatest gift.
I have two children with Down syndrome, both diagnosed prenatally. I always say, moms need to know about this before they get the news. Because, from experience, when you Hear “your child may have Down syndrome, are you going to continue the pregnancy,” like I did, your first thought isn’t, “I should meet a family that had a child with Down syndrome.” Thank God that I knew abortion wasn’t on the radar for me or my husband. Thank God we DID reach out and meet families. I offer all the time to meet local new and expectant moms. I’m constantly on social media reaching out to moms, because I know what it’s like. I know dozens and dozens of moms who do the same. But, and not to be negative, things are against us. I met with one mom when she was pregnant (and we are still friends) and she was asked at every single OBGYN appointment if she “made a decision.” Every. Single. Appointment. In our state, it is the law that moms with prenatal or postnatal diagnoses get current resources and information, yet I talk to moms who got no such thing. And so I will continue to reach out, and I will continue to share my life. But it constantly feels like an uphill battle.
This is so important. And true. Nowadays we can more connected than ever, which can be bad, but in this case, it can be GOOD! You can reach out to people all over the country who are fighting the same hard things. We can do it together!
Thank you for this. I have a beautiful four month old daughter with Spina Bifida. It is not easy getting a diagnosis like this but we were horrified when we were offered the option to ‘end the pregnancy’, and to find that 80-90% of parents choose that option. This article has made me think about how I can reach out to other people with a prenatal diagnosis of Spina Bifida.